March 19, 2008
I'm not saying this out of jealousy because I want to get married. I'm saying this because my rear end is hurting from the giant pain in it. Here is what's required of me:
-$250 dress I will wear once.
-$35 shoes I will wear once.
-$100+ for hair makeup and nails day of wedding.
-1/2 day vacation I am forced to take because of a luncheon. I get three weeks a year. Three weeks. That is all.
-One Friday evening and entire Saturday for the wedding.
-One saturday night for a shower.
-One saturday afternoon for a shower.
-One sunday afternoon for a tea.
-One entire saturday from noon until midnight for a marathon bachelorette event including, of course, another two showers.
-buy a bunch of cute little 'outfits' for the showers.
-buy gifts for each shower/tea thingy.
I don't have any issues with giving gifts. But I would never make someone take vacation from work for me for a social event I am having. I would find that to be a selfish act.
Out of all the sacrifices I am having to make, being forced to take 1/2 day vacation is the largest and most painful. Much more painful than buying a dress I will wear once. Four hours away from work is about ten times more valuable than three hundred dollars.
The American wedding tradition is just about the most irrational thing in the history of the world. Plenty of people get married. Several times. This is not an honor that requires you to have fourteen different parties.
The thing that makes me barf is when the bride says "Thank you for being a part of my very special day." In other words, "Thank you for quietly tolerating my bridezilla behavior, I am only doing this because my friends did it to me when they got married."
My friends and I threw a baby shower last weekend. One baby shower, not ten of them. It was low key. There were no baby decorations, tacky paper invitations or caterers, and there was no dress code. I wore flip flops! Nobody had to go out and buy a little outfit to wear because she was so concerned that other people might make negative comments on her clothes. We brought home cooked food and everyone ate and talked and the guest of honor opened gifts. All that matters in my opinion is fellowship. But I guess that Hallmark and the wedding industry would have to strongly disagree with my anti-consumer attitude. Also the cultural offspring of Amy Vanderbilt would have major objections because they don't have anything else to do with themselves, except make excuses to go shopping.
Posted by megabeth at March 19, 2008 03:59 PM
Weddings are freaking out of control. My wife works for a company whose owner's daughter is having a wedding that is like $80,000. I have a hard time comprehending such and expense for something that has a 50% chance of failing. That is one hell of a down payment for a house. I tell everyone I know to elope. I wish I had. We had to pay for everything ourselves and I am still paying those bills 8 years later.
Posted by: Shadowhelm at March 19, 2008 04:29 PM
80K for a wedding? I thought 30K was a lot. Even if you didn't pay for it, it seems like a better idea to take the wedding funds and invest it in a house.
Posted by: megabeth at March 19, 2008 04:36 PM
Wow. I will remember to ask the bride to submit a proposal detailing expenses and time requirements if I ever get asked to be in another wedding party. Things seem out of control. When we got married we chose not to do anything that was expensive or stressful so that we could enjoy the moment instead of having a big production.
Posted by: A at March 21, 2008 09:15 AM
I've read somewhere lately that the average - average - cost of a wedding these days is $20K. I fully agree the time,especially vacation time, is the true investment on the part of the attendants. You're right in calling the expectation that you will willingly sacrifice vacation time for an event selfish.
If couples would spend half the time and money they've spent preparing for a one day event on preparing for a life-long marriage, we wouldn't have a 50% divorce rate.
Posted by: Diane at March 22, 2008 04:07 PM
Definitely something wrong there when a wedding becomes a showcase of throw away consumption and look at me rather than the event between two people combining. Think about encouraging a money saving eloping to Las Vegas and they can use the $30k for a great 30 day honeymoon?
Posted by: Outlaw3 at March 23, 2008 07:41 PM
The average cost could very well be $20K in all levels of society, but in "we have new money but wish we had old money"-land, I think the avg cost is more like $30-40K. If little Susie next door spent 30K on her wedding, then it wouldn't be right to spend any less than 40K to show her family that they are not as good as our family is. Ha ha.
Posted by: megabeth at March 23, 2008 08:49 PM
who has a wedding luncheon on a freaking weekday?
okay, that being said, for my wedding all parties paid. we helped our parents pay for the wedding. in addition i bought two of my four bridesmaids dresses and let them all wear their own shoes (as long as they had a heel and were black) for the simple fact that i asked them to be in my wedding.
Posted by: pretty helmet at March 24, 2008 07:37 PM
Curmudgeon!
:-)
Posted by: BlogDog at March 25, 2008 06:38 AM
I know it was the early Jurassic Era, but bought the future wife's dress, rings, paid the pastor about $75 as his "consideration," friends threw a small reception that about 12 of the 16-18 who went to the wedding decided to attend. My parents paid for the dinner the night before. My parents and an uncle with his family drove about 1000 miles to be there. No one from her family came. Then we went on a honeymoon that went (married Saturday morning) drive Saturday afternoon, stayed Sunday and half of Monday and drove home so I could be at work on Tuesday. Fortunately, that Monday had been a 3 day weekend. Times have changed!
Posted by: Outlaw3 at March 25, 2008 07:57 PM
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