I have fat feet. Everything else on my body is relatively skinny, but my feet need to shop at Lane Bryant. For most of my life I have been wearing shoes that are one size too long in order to accommodate the width of my feet. This has not been very comfortable. I am known for running around barefoot as long as the weather is warm enough. I keep my tetanus booster updated just in case my barefoot escapades become disastrous. If I comfortably spread my feet out on the ground, they cover at least one zip code. The proportions of my feet are very similar to the feet of a duck. Unfortunately, this did not make me a fast swimmer.

Wearing shoes that hurt puts me in a bad mood, so I decided to go on a quest for shoes that fit. This has been a challenge. I now understand what life is like for people who wear unusually sized clothing (big/tall/tiny). who encounter loads of frustration looking for stylish clothing that fits.

The first thing I did was measure my feet with one of those steel measuring devices you find at a shoe store. My feet measured at a 6 3/4 E. This means I sized up to a 7.

Then I went shopping at the specialty shoe store in town. They had nothing that fit me in any style that I asked for. That was a big help. The shoe salesman also told me that they were the only place to get unusually-sized shoes. Really? I must have been born yesterday. Ever heard of Zappos.com?

There began the process of ordering a hundred pairs of wide shoes from Zappos, trying them on, and sending them back. Zappos has free shipping and a one-day overnight policy. I found a few pairs that fit, but many of the shoes I tried are made for wide feet that are shaped differently than mine. It turns out that my shoe size is actually a 7 EE. That is a DOUBLE WIDE. My feet are wider than most men's feet, including those men with large dogs (sizes 10 to 13). This is mainly because I inherited the bunion gene, and am putting off surgery hopefully until death, because surgery is excruciatingly painful, and most of the time, does not fix the problem.

I think the solution to this problem is to file for protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act, which will then allow me to wear flip-flops or go barefoot to work without lack of retribution or respect from management. Or, I will have to move to Hawaii, where the thong is standard business attire.

This is probably the #1 thing about working in a corporate environment that makes me want to join the tennis-shoe/work-boot work force. Hard-to-fit feet should not keep me from doing anything that I want to do.