March 09, 2007
I cannot believe that I have been suffering from chronic pain for almost a month. Twenty five days of complete and utter torture and suffering, and thank heavens there are no firearms in my house, because I wouldn't be here right now if there were. I have a newfound respect and awe for my mother who has been suffering from systemic lupus for nearly 15 years. Chronic pain or discomfort is how prisoners are tortured - it isn't a brutal thing, like chopping a finger off, that will cause someone to cave in. It's playing loud music from speakers 24/7 and not allowing a prisoner to fall asleep. It's making someone uncomfortable for days or weeks and not giving them a break from the discomfort. A person suffering from this type of torture will gradually descend into madness. What makes it doubly worse is that the only person I have to blame for this is myself. Little Miss Driven, Who Wants to Acheive Things in Life and Have a Successful Career, is a fucking idiot. I have been toying with the idea of walking away from my MBA right now. TWO CLASSES before I am done with the degree, and I can't rationalize why I wanted to do this and why I would want to continue torturing myself.
Posted by megabeth at March 9, 2007 10:52 AM
If it's any comfort, I felt the same way with each of 4 degrees. You get to the point where you just want to quit, it doesn't really matter, you can come back later if you want. But, don't do it. Too much invested in time and money and effort to just drop it all. And so very close! Please don't drop it, keep going, maybe there is something you could throttle back a little and accept a 98 on instead of a 100? Have you got anyone you can talk to about what is going on - that isn't family (usually the worst ones) or directly involved in the work/school? Sometimes it is just blowing off steam that is needed. Whichever you choose for someone to talk to, don't quit! So close MegaBeth!
Posted by: Outlaw3 at March 11, 2007 09:53 AM
I was going to comment on how we're our own worse enemies, but you beat me to the punch towards the end of your post.
I'm sure, from what I know about you, that you're not going to make the huge mistake of discontinuing classes at this point. I'm in agreement with Outlaw in that it might be a good idea to throttle back in some other areas.
Posted by: Brendan at March 12, 2007 08:49 AM
Hope you are ok.
Posted by: Outlaw3 at March 13, 2007 10:31 AM
I know where you are with regards to school. I was there last semester. I was low enough that I was trying to figure out how I could drop out and justify it to my family. I kept coming up with excuses about not being at home enough for them or that the stress was ruining my health, but I never could create an excuse good enough. They had invested as much time in my education as I had and it would have been unfair to look at my wife and daughter and tell them all the sacrifices had been for nothing. So I stuck it out and I got over the hump and was happier for it. I have this semester and two more to go until I am done, but all of the work is starting to show some return. If I had dropped out last year, a lot of doors that are opening today would be closed.
What I learned is simple. Some days I don't have to be the best. Some days I can let others do the leading and I can be the follower. Today, a B is good enough. Allowing myself to relax about it a little made a huge difference. So, that is what I suggest for you. Ease up a little. Do what you need to do to get the work done, but don't worry about the almighty A. One thing I am pretty sure of is that no one cares in the end anyway.
Posted by: shadowhelm at March 19, 2007 08:28 AM
Hey there--
Just wanted to stop by and see how you are doing--I really hope you are feeling better.
Posted by: Stan at March 21, 2007 01:11 AM
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