March 28, 2007

Sorry for the lack of posting, but other priorities have taken precedence, such as coping with some serious pain. I have a bulging disc in C5-C6, osteophytes at C4, and some spinal stenosis in the area. I'm getting a second epidural pain block next week because the first one did not work. If the second injection does not work then the doctor wants to perform surgery so I will get some second opinions before taking any action/making a decision on that.

To further exacerbate my suffering, I am still enrolled in school and actively attending classes. My goal in both courses is a 69.5, also known as "C", also known as "receives credit" and also known as "tuition fully reimbursed". I am taking the two most difficult/time-consuming courses in the program. That was simply a stroke of really fantastic luck to go along with the other stroke of luck that brought me to my knees.

p.s. Here are some positives:

1) I forgot how much I enjoy cooking. My domesticity level is much increased since I can't do much, and I have been cooking a lot of meals and goodies. Various mouths have been happy about this.

2) Medical insurance did not mean much to me until recently. Medical procedures are very expensive. I am glad that I am not paying for them out-of-pocket.

Posted by megabeth at 01:29 PM | Comments (9)

March 09, 2007

I cannot believe that I have been suffering from chronic pain for almost a month. Twenty five days of complete and utter torture and suffering, and thank heavens there are no firearms in my house, because I wouldn't be here right now if there were. I have a newfound respect and awe for my mother who has been suffering from systemic lupus for nearly 15 years. Chronic pain or discomfort is how prisoners are tortured - it isn't a brutal thing, like chopping a finger off, that will cause someone to cave in. It's playing loud music from speakers 24/7 and not allowing a prisoner to fall asleep. It's making someone uncomfortable for days or weeks and not giving them a break from the discomfort. A person suffering from this type of torture will gradually descend into madness. What makes it doubly worse is that the only person I have to blame for this is myself. Little Miss Driven, Who Wants to Acheive Things in Life and Have a Successful Career, is a fucking idiot. I have been toying with the idea of walking away from my MBA right now. TWO CLASSES before I am done with the degree, and I can't rationalize why I wanted to do this and why I would want to continue torturing myself.

Posted by megabeth at 10:52 AM | Comments (5)

March 08, 2007

Three weeks of chronic pain have rendered me a shell of a person in survival mode. It's vicious because being in pain makes me tired, so I don't get the chance to recover. I really need a month's sabbatical from everything so that I can recharge.

I kept begging my PT for more electrical stimulation on the problematic muscles in my neck, the anterior scalene and the sternocleidomastoid (SCM). The first PT I went to started working on the levator scapula despite my consistent urgings to please work on the SCM because it is the real problem. At the end of the visit, that PT told me that they weren't allowed to work on the muscles of the neck. WTF? There is no reason for me to go to a PT who won't help me.

So I went to a new PT. She let the electro-stim machine shock the living daylights out of my right SCM. That provided significant benefit, so now I have a portable TENS machine to shock the hell of of the SCM whenever I want to. I have to use restraint, though, since I am so pissed off at the muscle that I considered requesting that it be surgically removed from my neck. If an appendix goes bad, we take it out. So why not a muscle? I betcha if it were removed from my body, it would be like an octopus and continue to spasm for the next three days.

Posted by megabeth at 09:28 AM | Comments (1)

March 06, 2007

Anyone want some Focus Dailies (on day contact lenses) -3.75 or -4.00 real cheap? I have about 30 pairs and can't sell them on eBay or craigslist due to regulations. Obviously don't need them after laser eye surgery. My eyes are doing splendidly two months post-surgery. I have been using a prescription drop called Restasis for the past month that stimulates the tear ducts. I don't need to bring drops with me on my bike rides anymore and I don't get blurry vision when riding for a long time.

Midterms are now done, so I will have a small amount of free time available to do fun things like fix a toilet that isn't flushing right and an outlet in the kitchen that produces smoke. This is sad: I have been wanting to stop by Old Navy to pick up some casual clothes for bumming around, and I have been wanting to do this since January, and I haven't had even two hours available (free time or when feeling unstressed) to do something like that. I will be ecstatic in May when the semester is over.

Posted by megabeth at 03:09 PM | Comments (1)

March 04, 2007

I went back up to Mentone for training camp to ride my bike, and more importantly to get away from stressors in my environment. Being on top of a mountain and sleeping in a little cabin surrounded by gusty winds is very relaxing. I couldn't stay the whole weekend because I have a midterm on derivatives on Monday.

Yesterday's ride was 67 miles with two climbs of the mountain, the first on a dirt road (maybe 3-4 miles of uphill). Riding a road bike on a dirt road sucks. There is the constant fear of slipping on the skinny tires and crashing down to the ground, and there is the inability to make the bike move efficiently. I suppose this will train me for riding on uneven road surfaces. On the second climb (at around 62 miles) I wanted to launch an attack to see how I would do in a hilly road race if I did such a thing. I waited until about halfway up and then let 'er rip. It is interesting how I find long climbs to be such enjoyment even if I am exhausted and sore. Those discomforts melt away when I am climbing.

I haven't lost any strength during my five days off the bike. My saddle problems continue to hamper continuity in bike fit and have impeded the ability to get settled into the feeling of riding a machine that fits so well that you don't notice it as a separate entity.

The people on my team are so very generous and friendly, and I consider my inclusion to be a blessing.

As my neck continues to improve (and if I can find a decent saddle soon), race season will commence.

Off to study; I am literally counting down the days to December 15, 2007 when this graduate school hell is over with.

Posted by megabeth at 07:29 AM | Comments (1)

March 02, 2007

At work we now have this big coffee machine with around 20 different flavors of coffee and tea to choose from in individual sized packets. The packet goes into the machine and in a minute or two, out comes a cup of coffee or tea. Everything I've tried so far is good. Before this perk came around, I brought my own coffee to work and used a french press, since the gratis coffee (some schwag brand) smelled like burnt dirt.

I should not be drinking caffeine due to my stress level. Thus, I've been using the Flavia machine to make green tea instead. I get a big ol' fat F in stress management. Somehow I missed the life lesson that teaches us about the importance of recharging and having downtime. Optimistically I thought that perhaps I could wait until May when school is out to take a breather from a hectic schedule. My body told me otherwise. I've had some muscular soreness and spasms in my neck and shoulder the past couple of weeks because I don't know how to relax, and there were a lot of stressful things happening at work, so the stress manifested itself in my neck muscles. And this is where you might assume that I slowed down and took some much needed rest time. Ha HAAA!! No, Megabeth doesn't stop until she is dead! So I continued on about my busy ways until the pain became intense enough to bring me to a dead halt. People at work started mentioning to me that I look like crap. That is what chronic pain will do to you; make you look exhausted and darken the circles under the eyes. I stayed home from work for a week and caught up on a billion hours of sleep, and let the stress diminish until I could feel somewhat relaxed. Well, I don't know what relaxed really feels like, but I hope to achieve that feeling sometime soon.

This also meant taking some time off the bike. I was sad and wanted to cuddle with my bike since I wasn't riding it. I took five days off. On the sixth day I did a light workout in zones 2 and 3. The following day I did tempo intervals in zone 4. Being well-rested, my heart rate shot up to 170 without much effort. At 180 I still wasn't breathing too hard. The prior few weeks I was laboring to get up past 170 because I was so exhausted. My neck and shoulder are still tweaked, so I'm staying away from bike races until they get better.

I now have a "You have permission to yell at/slap/tie up Megabeth if she is pushing things too hard" support group. Workaholism is an addiction, and I think it's harder for others to detect because there isn't physical evidence (like with alcoholism, empty bottles), and because work is considered a good thing in American society, so much good that we should work our butts off all the time and only take one week of vacation per year.

If you're read this far, if you have any stress management tactics that you practice, post them in the comments section. I am to start doing some relaxing yoga poses and stretches before bedtime every night.

Posted by megabeth at 12:51 PM | Comments (4)

March 01, 2007

The new Whole Foods has STROOPWAFELS! I have been looking for stroopwafels since my trip to the Netherlands in 1995. (I never give up on food.)

And the new Whole Foods has green tea ice cream!! And tuna burgers! And a bunch of new kinds of salsa that I haven't tried yet! And pre-prepared meals that actually look edible! And bakery items that don't look like mass-produced crap!

I am very excited.

We have other fancy markets, like Tria, which is too expensive all around, and Fresh Market, which carries mostly the same products that grocery stores sell (in the dry goods section). Whole Foods is better because it has a lot of products I have never seen before. I noticed that the prices in the dry goods section are steep on some things and reasonable on other items. For now (I don't know if this will continue) they are marking down the prices of some items significantly.

Posted by megabeth at 09:58 AM | Comments (2)